When Everything Feels Like Too Much: Understanding Hyperarousal
You're driving to the grocery store after work and your mind is already three steps ahead. You need to figure out what's for dinner. Hit your protein target—wasn't there something about muscle mass and metabolism? Respond to that work email before the end of day. Book an appointment with your therapist. Text your friend back. Get skates sharpened before the hockey tournament this weekend. Order that weighted vest everyone keeps talking about for bone density. Fold the laundry that's been sitting in the basket for two days.
Then someone cuts you off on the freeway…
And suddenly you're screaming. Actually screaming—at the top of your lungs, hands gripping the steering wheel, heart pounding in your chest. It wasn't really about the lane change. It was about the seventeen things looping in your head, the pressure to hold it all together, the exhaustion of trying to optimize everything while barely keeping up with the basics.
You sit there, engine running, chest tight, thoughts spiraling: What is wrong with me? Why can't I just handle normal life like everyone else seems to?
You're not broken. You're not failing. You're not "too much."
You're in hyperarousal.
What Is Hyperarousal?
Hyperarousal is what happens when your nervous system moves into fight-or-flight mode. It's your body's ancient survival response—the same one that kept our ancestors alive when they were being chased by saber-toothed tigers.
Except now, the saber-toothed tiger might be:
A looming deadline at work
A conflict with your partner or kids
The pressure to be "on" all the time
The endless mental load of keeping everything together
The seventeen tabs open in your brain while you're trying to function
Your body doesn't know the difference. It just knows: threat detected, activate systems, prepare to run or fight.
In Part 1: You're Not Broken—You're Just Out of Your Window https://www.cranewellness.ca/blog/windowoftolerance, we talked about the Window of Tolerance—that zone where you can respond rather than react, where your mind, heart, and body are working together. Hyperarousal is what happens when you move outside that window and spike upward into fight-or-flight.
Hyperarousal often looks like:
Racing thoughts that won't turn off
Snapping at people you love over small things
Feeling like you're constantly behind, no matter how much you accomplish
Wired and tired—can't sleep but can't function either
An urgent sense that you must do more to stay safe
For many high achievers, perfectionism isn't about excellence—it's a survival strategy. It's the nervous system's way of trying to stay safe by staying ahead, by being enough, by never giving anyone a reason to find you inadequate.
Your Nervous System Is Doing Its Job
Here's the thing: your nervous system is designed to be adaptive. From an evolutionary perspective, it's meant to respond to your environment—to activate when there's a threat, to settle when you're safe. Moving in and out of your window isn't a flaw; it's a feature.
What changes with practice is your awareness, your attunement, and your responsiveness. You're not trying to override your nervous system—it's giving you information through feelings, sensations, and impulses. Racing thoughts, a tight chest, restlessness—these are signals, not problems. Your nervous system is waving a flag, trying to get your attention.
The work is learning to listen to those signals and respond skillfully. You become a co-captain with your nervous system—learning to partner with it, even befriend it, rather than fighting against it or being swept away by it.
The more attuned you become, the more likely you are to catch dysregulation before it spikes into full hyperarousal. And when you catch it early, it's more amenable to shifting. This doesn't mean you'll always catch it in time—sometimes you won't. But over time, you build resilience. You expand your window. You increase your capacity.
The goal isn't to stop your nervous system from responding. The goal is to move with more ease—to not get stuck in the extremes for as long, to have tools that help you navigate back, to trust that even when you're out of your window, you know how to return.
Before You Try Anything: Check In
Before you reach for a regulation tool, take a moment to notice where you are right now. This isn't about fixing anything yet—it's about gathering information.
Use the Head, Heart, Feet practice from Blog Post 1:
🧠 Head: What are you thinking? Are your thoughts racing, looping, catastrophizing? Are you planning, analyzing, trying to problem-solve your way out?
❤️ Heart: What are you feeling? Anxiety? Frustration? Anger? Panic? Can you name it, or does it feel like a tangled knot?
👣 Feet: What sensations do you notice in your body? Is there tension in your jaw, your shoulders, your chest? Are you restless, fidgety, buzzing? Can you feel the ground beneath your feet, or does it feel like you're floating above it?
This is your baseline. After you try a regulation tool, you'll check in again and notice what shifted. This is how you learn what works for your nervous system—not what someone else says should work, but what actually moves the needle for you.
Regulation Tools for Hyperarousal
Here are some of my go-to strategies for hyperarousal—tools I use myself and recommend often in my work with clients. Not all of them will resonate with you, and that's okay! This is about finding YOUR favorites.
Cold Water & Paced Breathing (TIPP Skills from DBT)
Cold water and paced breathing are two of the effective tools from TIPP skills—a set of distress tolerance strategies from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). These are my go-to recommendations when you need a quick reset.
Temperature (Cold Water):
Cold water to promote temperature change is an effective tool - it's quick, it's free, and it works.
Try this:
Splash cold water on your face
Hold ice cubes in your hands or press them to your wrists
Take a cold shower (or end your shower with 30 seconds of cold water)
Drink ice-cold water slowly
Why it works: Cold temperature triggers the dive reflex, which slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system almost immediately.
Paced Breathing:
When you're in hyperarousal, your exhale is the key. Breathing out longer than you breathe in activates your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest mode) and slows your heart rate, signaling to your body that you're safe.
Try this:
Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6 (the longer exhale is what calms you)
Breathe in through your nose like you're smelling something delicious, then sigh it out through your mouth
Breathe while moving—inhale as you raise your arms overhead, exhale as you lower them
Why it works: Slow, deep breathing with longer exhales tells your brain it's safe to come down from high alert.
Humming, Singing, or Chanting
Humming and singing are some of my personal favorites - I practice sanskrit vedic chanting as one of my regulation tools.
Your vagus nerve—the main nerve responsible for calming your nervous system—runs right past your vocal cords. When you hum, sing, or chant, you're literally vibrating that nerve and signaling your body to calm down.
Try this:
Hum a favorite song (even just a few bars)
Sing along to calming music in the car or at home
Try a simple "om" chant or just hum on a single note for 30 seconds
Why it works: Vagal tone improves with vocal vibration, which helps shift you out of fight-or-flight.
Shaking, Stomping, or Vigorous Movement
This is often a tools I recommend to clients (and use myself)—there's something deeply satisfying about shaking it all out. I'm a big believer that regulation doesn't have to be boring!
When you're in hyperarousal, your body is flooded with energy that wants to be discharged. Your nervous system prepared you to RUN or FIGHT. If you don't complete that action, the activation stays stuck. Shaking or vigorous movement discharges that energy—what Emily and Amelia Nagoski call "completing the stress cycle" in their book Burnout. Once you've moved that energy through your body, THEN you can calm down.
Try this:
Shake your hands, arms, legs, whole body like a dog after they get wet—consider using Taylor Swift's song "Shake It Off" as inspo
Stomp your feet into the ground—hard, intentional, grounding
Dance to music (calming or rhythmic works well)
Do jumping jacks, run in place, or go for a fast walk
Scream into a pillow or in your car (yes, really!)
Why it works: You're completing the stress cycle—letting your body discharge the activation rather than holding it in.
Tapping (EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique)
Tapping on specific acupressure points while acknowledging what you're feeling can help regulate your nervous system. It sounds a little unconventional, but it's backed by research for anxiety and stress.
Try this:
Tap on the side of your hand (the "karate chop" point) while saying: "Even though I'm really anxious right now, I'm okay."
Tap on your collarbone, under your eyes, on top of your head—anywhere that feels soothing
You don't need to follow a formal protocol; just tap and breathe
Why it works: Tapping sends calming signals to your amygdala (the brain's fear center) while grounding you in your body.
Here’s a link to a video to try it out: From Panic to Peace - Tapping Meditation
Havening (Self-Soothing Touch)
Havening involves gentle, repetitive touch—stroking your arms, face, or hands—to activate delta waves in your brain and create a sense of safety.
Try this:
Cross your arms and slowly stroke from your shoulders to your elbows, back and forth
Gently stroke your face, starting at your forehead and moving down to your cheeks
Rub your hands together, then cup them over your face
Why it works: Slow, soothing touch signals safety to your nervous system.
Here’s a link to a video with more info on havening: How To Reduce Anxiety Using the Self-Havening Techniques with Dr. Kate Truitt
Nature, Laughter, Safe People
Sometimes regulation isn't about a formal technique—it's about resourcing yourself with what actually feels good. These aren't just "nice to have"—they're nervous system medicine.
Try this:
Step outside. Feel the sun on your face. Look at the sky.
Watch something funny. Laugh—even if it feels forced at first.
Text or call a safe person. Even just hearing their voice can help.
Say no to something. Practice JOMO (the joy of missing out).
Why it works: Connection, laughter, and nature are all ways your nervous system can co-regulate and find safety.
How to Build Your Own Regulation Recipe
Not every tool will work for you and not every tool will work every time. And that's okay!
This is a practice, not a one-time fix. Your nervous system learns what works through repetition, not perfection.
1. Pick 2-3 tools to try out start
Don't try to master all of them at once. Choose 2-3 that feel doable or even a little intriguing.
2. Write them down
Put them on a sticky note on your bathroom mirror. Save them in your phone notes. Make them visible so you remember they're there when you need them.
In my work with clients, I often suggest writing down your 2-3 go-to tools somewhere you'll see them regularly—because when you're in hyperarousal, your executive functioning is offline. You need the reminder to be easy to access.
3. Try each tool at least 3 times before deciding if it works
The first time you try something new, your nervous system might resist. That's normal. Give it a few rounds before you decide if it's helpful.
4. Remember: these are invitations, not prescriptions
You're not "doing it wrong" if a tool doesn't work for you. Your body is unique. Your nervous system is unique. What works today might not work tomorrow, and that's part of being human.
You're building your own regulation recipe—experimenting, adjusting, learning what helps you return to your window.
After You Try a Tool: Check In Again
Now that you've tried something, come back to Head, Heart, Feet:
🧠 Head: What are you thinking now? Are your thoughts still racing, or have they slowed?
❤️ Heart: What are you feeling? Has anything shifted—even slightly?
👣 Feet: What sensations do you notice? Is there less tension? More groundedness? Can you feel your feet on the floor?
What changed? Maybe your shoulders dropped. Maybe your thoughts are still racing but your chest feels less tight. Maybe nothing feels different yet—and that's okay too.
This practice of noticing—before and after—is how you learn what works for your nervous system. Over time, you'll start to recognize your patterns and which tools to reach for when. You'll trust that even when you're out of your window, you know how to find your way back.
What's Next
In the next post, we'll explore the other side of the window: hypoarousal—what happens when your nervous system shuts down, numbs out, and moves into freeze or fawn. We'll talk about what it feels like when nothing feels like anything, and how to gently bring yourself back online.
For now, just practice noticing. Head, heart, feet. Pick a tool. Try it. Notice again.
You're learning to co-captain with your nervous system. And that's powerful work.
You're Not Alone in This
If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in these patterns—the racing thoughts, the perfectionism, the wired-and-tired feeling, the screaming in your car—you're not alone.
Learning to regulate your nervous system, to co-captain with it rather than fight against it, is one of the most important skills you can develop. And it's something I teach in my work with clients every day.
If you're feeling called to explore this work further, I have openings for both in-person therapy in Edmonton and virtual sessions across Alberta. https://cranewellness.janeapp.com/
References
Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.