People Pleasing & Perfectionism
Are You Exhausted from Trying to Be Perfect?
People who identify as people pleasers, perfectionists, and high achievers often find themselves weighed down by unrealistic expectations, both from within and from those around them. In my practice, I approach these challenges with empathy, recognizing the emotional toll they can take. My focus is to support you through the recognition and dismantling of these harmful patterns, paving the way for a more authentic and fulfilling life.
By integrating compassionate, evidence-based therapies, we will explore the underlying beliefs that fuel the constant quest for approval and perfectionism. This journey of transformation encourages you to embrace your vulnerabilities, allowing for a redefinition of success rooted in your personal values and aspirations. My ultimate goal is to nurture self-acceptance, foster harmony, and deepen your connection to your true self. This tailored approach supports sustainable personal growth and opens a liberating path forward, empowering you to live more fully and authentically.
Signs You Might Be Struggling with People Pleasing or Perfectionism
Do any of these sound familiar?
People Pleasing Patterns:
Saying "yes" when you really want to say "no"
Feeling anxious or guilty when someone seems disappointed in you
Constantly worrying about what others think of you
Difficulty expressing your own needs or opinions
Feeling responsible for other people's emotions
Exhaustion from constantly putting others first
Perfectionism Patterns:
Setting impossibly high standards for yourself
Procrastinating because you're afraid you won't do it "perfectly"
Feeling like a failure when you make small mistakes
All-or-nothing thinking ("If it's not perfect, it's worthless")
Burnout from overworking and over-delivering
Imposter syndrome despite your achievements
The Hidden Cost of People Pleasing and Perfectionism
Many high achievers don't realize that their drive for perfection and approval often stems from deeper patterns formed early in life. You might find yourself:
Feeling successful on the outside but empty or anxious on the inside
Struggling with decision-making because you're so worried about making the "wrong" choice
Having difficulty in relationships because you've lost touch with your authentic self
Experiencing physical symptoms like tension, headaches, or sleep issues from chronic stress
Feeling like you're wearing a mask and no one really knows the "real" you
How Therapy Can Help
Understanding the Root Causes
Often, people pleasing and perfectionism develop as protective strategies. In therapy, we'll gently explore how these patterns may have helped you survive difficult situations in the past, while recognizing that they may no longer serve you.
Evidence-Based Approaches I Use
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Many perfectionists and people pleasers have experienced moments that shaped their beliefs about needing to be "perfect" or "good" to be worthy of love. EMDR can help process these experiences and reduce their emotional charge.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): This approach helps you clarify your personal values and learn to act on them, even when it means disappointing others or accepting imperfection.
Mindfulness-Based Practices: Learning to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment can help break the automatic patterns of people pleasing and perfectionism.
Somatic and Body-Informed Therapies: Often, people pleasers and perfectionists disconnect from their bodies and intuition. These approaches help you reconnect with your inner wisdom and physical sensations as guides for decision-making.
What Recovery Looks Like
Healing from people pleasing and perfectionism doesn't mean becoming selfish or lowering your standards. Instead, it means:
Setting healthy boundaries that protect your energy and well-being
Pursuing excellence from a place of self-love rather than fear
Making decisions based on your values rather than others' expectations
Feeling comfortable with "good enough" when perfectionism isn't necessary
Developing authentic relationships where you can be yourself
Learning to self-soothe and validate yourself rather than constantly seeking external approval
Finding peace with making mistakes as part of being human
Extended Sessions for Deeper Work (optional)
Many of my clients dealing with perfectionism and people pleasing also benefit from extended 90-minute, two hour or intensive sessions. These longer appointments allow us to:
Explore the deeper patterns without feeling rushed
Process the emotions that come up when challenging these ingrained habits
Practice new ways of being in real-time within our session
Integrate insights more thoroughly before returning to daily life
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If you're tired of the exhausting cycle of people pleasing and perfectionism, therapy can offer a path toward authentic self-acceptance and genuine confidence. You deserve to experience success and relationships that feel sustainable and fulfilling.
The journey toward authenticity takes courage, but you don't have to do it alone. I'm here to support you in discovering who you are beneath the patterns of pleasing others and pursuing perfection.
Ready to explore what life might look like when you're free from the exhausting patterns of people pleasing and perfectionism? Contact me to schedule a session and learn how therapy can support your journey toward authentic self-acceptance.